Get Into the Groove

It's been a turbulent past 2 years. The hardest part is admitting that I have been trying too hard to become somebody I am not. Until today. I realized that I will never come across as macho, dominant, or other typical guy traits. What I have been seeking is MANHOOD. Masculinity, the state of mind. The confidence to honestly be who you are. And I've been trying on many different personality traits and seeing if that gave me the answers. It didn't.
Back to basics. I am essentially the same person I was two years ago, but more mature. I am handling responsibility a lot better now and accept that as a condition of manhood. I am a lover, not a fighter. The people in my life keep me around for my soft qualities. You could even call it motherly-nurturing energy. I took that up a notch and people probably thought I was a gay. Yes, you've probably thought it once or twice.
I thought women would tell me how to become a man. Afterall, they know a good man when they see one. It is woman's nature to respond to masculinity, but not to define it for us. That is probably the main reason boys, guys, or most adult males look to women to fill the gap of missing manhood. It's there, we all want it. Women want it badly too. But we don't know how to get it, or have any idea that it is actually hardwired into our heads to seek it.
So the past two years I've tried looking almost every avenue possible to find manhood. Except my own heart. Drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll are not the answer for sure (but damn are they fun). And what I found when I looked outside of myself was pure frustration. If I've hurt, confused, or shocked anybody...it was nothing personal.
The key to manhood is to learn to give. Give your gift to people, whatever that may be. That's what it means when Yoda says, "feel the Force flowing through you." Only things happen because of you, but more importantly THROUGH you. He means that your skill in life is necessary for the Circle of Life. You are a missing puzzle piece in a complete world. Give of yourself and you will not have trouble waking up the next day. When you think you can take from the world to fill your void then you will suffer like I have. I looked to everybody and everything to be the answer to my purpose in life.
My purpose in life is to be a good man. Man, in the sense where I embrace my masculinity. A man in the sense where I am a great human being with compassion for all. A man that is also an individual and knows when to be selfish in order to recharge and be ready to give back to society.
The point is my journey as a man has finally started. I am ready to love and embrace the huge hippie that I have been all along. My gift to the world is my expression of laughter and inner-peace. My philosophy and patient nature is my avenue to teach others about the tools to discover happiness.
So here's what I've boiled it down to so far. A man is a Protector, Provider, and Procreator. How he fulfills these duties is his PHILOSOPHY.