Seven Breaths

Freedom Is In The Mind

2011-01-11T15:04:00.000-08:00

"Mothers who love your children, do not set them too soon to the study of history; let them dream while they are young. Nothing affrights me so much as the reasonable, practical child who believes in nothing that he cannot touch. These sages of ten years are, at twenty, dullards..."

-Edward Labailaye

The Formidable Formicidae; or What We Can Learn From Ants

2010-11-18T18:43:00.000-08:00

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less." - Marie Curie

Ants. They freak us out. Such a tiny little creature and we drop everything we're doing just to spray them with Raid, sweep them away, and even smash them. They are resilient little bastards. But the next time you think about doing the above, STOP and think for a moment. Remember this awesome post about why humans and ants have much more in common than we think.

Here are a few reasons:

1. Ants are social creatures. They have divisions of labor, communication between individuals, and ability to solve complex problems.

2. Ants collect, store, and share food. They have share food amongst themselves in the "social stomach". That is by far the most wonderful (and time-consuming) purposes of the human experience. Eat or die!

3. Female ants collect sperm and use it for later use. This one isn't the most obvious, but it reflects society and the displacement of the masculine figure (more on that another time). Weird.

4. Ants communicate by leaving pheromones. This is close to how human beings communicate through body language. We don't have to say many words to each other in order to say what we mean. We simply "sense" what another person wants or needs from us.

5. Ants are great students and teachers. Many animals can learn behaviours by imitation but ants may be the only group apart from mammals where interactive teaching has been observed. Humans go to school and have structured learning because without guidance, we don't develop a sense of purpose.

6. Ants are like Rachel Ray, Frank Lloyd Wright, and Muhammad Ali all in one package.The ant head has two strong jaws, the mandibles, used to carry food, manipulate objects, construct nests, and for defense. Humans have hands to carry out the same exact tasks.

7. Ants are like the Jay-Z's of the animal world because they HUSTLE. Next to flies, ants are the very first on the scene when fresh food is left unattended. We've all heard Mom say, "put that away before the ants get to it." They work and they work fast. Have you ever seen how fast ants clean off a rib?!

8. Ants are "eusocial", or the highest level of social cooperation. Humans build everything from tents to skyscrapers, some ants build colonies out of the ants THEMSELVES! Think about a time where you felt happy accomplishing something with cooperation. It was probably great because someone was there to SHARE that experience with you. And if it was teamwork, you often have a memory to share of the struggle. (This is exactly why I love CrossFit. It is hard work and can be a transforming experience when you're doing it with a friend.)

The moral of the story here is all ants have their purpose in the hive. If we are honest with ourselves, humans live the same way. We are social creatures that create hives known as "cities". In many fables ants are shown for their industriousness and cooperative efforts. Humans have worked together to achieve and overcome monumental events, and yet we are in such a sad state of affairs internationally. Indeed humans have much to learn in the Tao of the Ant...

So, go "DO WORK SON (together)!"

That one quote...you know the one that goes...

2010-11-15T09:49:00.000-08:00

I've been MIA, so here are a few one-liners just to get me into "writing" mode again:

- Maturity is creating more than you consume.

- Your dreams are the seedlings of reality.

- Take a look at the whole map, not just the directions.

- Smile with your face, smile with your mind, and smile with your liver.

- Everything is interesting. Look closer.

To those who know me...

2010-06-21T09:35:00.000-07:00

How to Behave Toward an ENFP

Give ENFPs the freedom to be flexible. Realize that churning through possibilities inspires their minds and get their creative juices flowing. Don't bog the unsuspecting ENFP down with too many details, especially on any subject not known to be of deep interest to him or her. Involve the ENFP in the process and try to keep things fun. When communicating with ENFPs you will find that many like to talk. Do not hesitate to interrupt and state your opinion. ENFPs enjoy speculating about ideas, and will do so for hours on end. They enjoy others who engage them in conversation, contribute their ideas and keep it moving in a positive direction. Overall ENFPs appreciate overt honesty in others, they want to know the truth, even if it is not nice or pleasant, they want to know how people "really" feel. ENFPs are easily influenced by what other people say. It may not appear that they are listening when they are talking to you, but soon after the conversation ends they often ponder what the other person has said and incorporate those ideas into their own thinking to use the knowledge for the future.

The main points to remember:
1) ENFPs are absolutely excited by people. So, FEED US GOSSIP. There isn't anything we ENFPs love more than to make opinions of people, followed by judging them accordingly.

2) Give us what we need to know/do straight. No details.

3) Never, ever, mask your emotions. ENFPs constantly over-analyze conversations and interactions, however, we begin to worry when it seems like to whomever we were talking were not being straightforward with their emotions. This means ALWAYS making eye contact.

4) We are incredibly spontaneous. Don't be surprised when an ENFP makes a completely head-turning decision, or when an ENFP makes a joke in bad taste. Just smile, and laugh along.

5) ENFPs work on their own schedule. Don't expect everything you ask for to be done exactly on deadline, which in turn worries us. We make priorities. Let us figure out everything we need to do first, then we'll get around to you.

6) We are a extremely selective group of people. Though we don't all share the same preference of person, we all have a 'perfect' type of person in mind. Don't be offended when you find that we loath a certain quality about you. Although this means we will pretty much dislike you altogether, don't take this as an insult to your persona as a whole.

7) We are ridiculously sentimental. The smallest things, which can even include shoelaces, pieces of trash, books, paper, and other trinkets, can sometimes hold the deepest places in our hearts, as long as they serve as some reminder of any particular event.

8) An ENFP's emotions can never be predicted. Whether it is feelings about weather, working, or most of all, people, these emotions shift very frequently.

9) We love to create. ENFPs are inspired by mostly anything. Random scenes of daily life or interactions with people can send our creative minds into hyper-speed. However, we our cursed with a fragile willingness to complete projects we begin. Though we'll ultimately feel bad about not finish certain projects, we learn to get over this, and immediately fall in love with a new idea.

10) Remember, ENFPs are hard to figure out. Most of what we feel cannot be put into words or understood.

"On average, nature punishes the specialist."

2010-06-04T16:35:00.001-07:00

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

-Robert A. Heinlein

Words to my unborn son.

2010-05-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

- Become comfortable with being uncomfortable. Tolerance is something built on purpose over time. Learn to be the rock in any situation.

- Master one thing over a lifetime. True mastery is honored, a jack-of-all trades is simply appreciated.

- Curiosity is the engine for thinking. All great things start as an idea.

- Your brain cannot tell the difference between a memory and an imagined scenario. YOU ALREADY DID IT. Use this to your advantage in building confidence.

- The old adage, "it's all in your hips" holds true for the important parts of a man's life. You need strong hips for lifting heavy objects, good posture, and great sex.

- Dance vigorously. In the animal kingdom, males do the mating dance. Not vice versa.

- Seek to understand first, then be understood. Giving your undivided attention is the most basic act of generosity. It will be noticed.

- Don't squash bugs. They are the guardians of the Earth. Or it could be your grandmother.

- Know the difference between simplicity and elegance. Simple things are as they appear. Elegance is complexity and beauty intertwined to appear simple.

- Shout into the open whenever possible. It's damn fun.

- Know when to say, "Please, Thank You, I Love You, and Forgive Me." Those four phrases will serve you well in the future.

- A real man knows when to ask for help. You are a fallible human being, ask for a second-opinion.

Meet the Girls, Barbara is the nicest one

2010-04-29T01:53:00.000-07:00

Many ideas will change how you think. A few of them may even simplify your thought process. And fewer will change how you act. Study the good ones that make you act swiftly, like Taoism. Because that is all that matters. What you DO.

I went to college and studied Philosophy. I did it so I could outsmart my way out of hard work. Truthfully, I had no work ethic in college. It was a huge spring break to me. A big socializing activity, where people feign doing things with purpose, but they are there to take value from others (or hook up). Kind of like church.

But Philosophy revolutionized my thought process. Anyone who knows me will roll their eyes and tell you about my penchant for useless facts about Samurai daily living to the most elegant theories of Space and Time. Philosophy taught me how to appreciate ideas and be enthusiastic about passing them onto others. But that's all they are. Ideas.

I graduate in 2007, real-life hits. I have no real skills or motivation to contribute anything to society. Taking value and sustaining my sheltered life is my first and only priority. I party like a motherfucker to drown out the suffocating feeling of escaping responsibility. I lack spiritual substance. I am a true American.

During this time I take up the activity of improving my vanity, also known as "exercise". Notice I didn't say "working out." Exercise literally means "to use." You exercise enough to "tone", or "maintain." I decide I want to be ridiculously strong like Bruce Lee. Come 2008, I find Sandbags, Sledgehammers, and Salvation. Then I watch the movie 300 and find out the Spartans with 8-packs are for real. I find out it's because they all did CrossFit.

CrossFit redefined what it means to "work out." To me, working out is spiritual problem-solving. When I have an issue, my barbell is my therapist. When I need an ear to listen to my bitching, the pull-up bar is always there. It is literally the act of self-respect. And when you start your workout, you meet the girls (Fran, Cindy, Angie) and enter the Storm. And you walk right up into the rain and say, "Fuck you, my old friend." You finally free the manimal that has been waiting all your adult-life to come out. You understand Desire itself and how to channel it. You shift into the 6th gear you never knew you had. There is nobody to tell you "SLOW DOWN." On the road of life, you make your own speed limit.

Crossfit makes me act. It has taught me to be aggressive about what I want out of my life. With each Clean & Jerk and burpee, I strip one layer of bullshit away. For 24 years of my life, I was a wreck. Until I found CrossFit. Fuck trying to look cool. I check my ego in right when I start my warm-up (which is probably your entire workout). I yell like I'm mid-climax during my workouts. On a good day, even my ankles sweat.

CrossFit will change you. It will elevate you. You become a completely different person. YOU ARE ALIVE. It's spiritual because it teaches you energy transfer. Everything has a price. You put in effort and your body rewards you with a fuckload of endorphins. That's also called happiness. That beats any drugs or alcohol.

When things suck in life, a CrossFit workout will suck more. It will make you comfortable about being "uncomfortable" during exercise. You probably guessed that already has many benefits in real life. Everything stupid or wrong in the world suddenly becomes a whisper. It's like selective hearing, but with life's terrible moments. And best of all, you learn how to fight and make decisions.. Because in nature, you either fight or flee. But when you freeze in indecision, that's when you start to regret things.

The feeling of a CrossFit workout is probably equal to this:

Imagine the thrill a squirrel gets by darting out into the road near oncoming cars. But the cars are BART trains coming at him a 1000 MPH, on fire.

The best product is the one the salesman buys. Anybody is free to ride on my boat, I go towards the storm on the daily. It's time for you to climb aboard and say, "FUCK YOU, my old friend."

Meet:

From now on, I will do my best to hold an introductory workout on Sundays at the College of San Mateo, around 1-2 pm.

Pain is candy

2010-03-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

I am ecstatic. I am an intern for Peninsula Crossfit/Mad Dawg Fitness now, on my way to becoming a certified strength and conditioning coach!

If I have met you, I will most likely be torturing you in the near future.

Random

2010-02-18T09:57:00.000-08:00

Everybody has already forgotten about Haiti. I'm sure you donated, but this is where "out of sight, out of mind" really comes to the forefront.

The G-Spot is real gentlemen. Go find it and forever save the Earth.

Magic seeds

2010-02-09T10:25:00.000-08:00

When I was 18, I took my very first Philosophy course. One thing I learned from Professor Danielson, who I owe much of my personal success to, was his mantra. "All thought is for the sake of action. All action is for the sake of friendship."

If you acquire valuable knowledge, or "magic seeds", then you can plant them in your mind and watch them grow. But most of us have been programmed to see instant results. Everything happens so damn fast. And in a week it becomes faster. But what about the things that really matter?

Relationships are the things you cannot rush, must nurture, and matter the most. So let's do the math here. If you are rich, you have vast amounts of social capital. That means you are valuable to other human beings. You possess the capacity to help them survive better and also FEEL good. Does anybody see a trend here? I have a point, trust me.

A rich man is generous with his knowledge and his love. In the end, we are all a huge tribe. The man who possesses real knowledge lets his social circle speak volumes for him. If he understands one of the most basic facts of wealth, you will see it in all of his dealings. People come to him. They are attracted to him and what he has to offer. His house, car, furniture, and material goods is only a reflection of his ability to GO GET.

So you get knowledge. Get up, dress up, and show up. DO WORK. Action. Meet people, then benefit them. Make friends and build relationships. See that we need each other to survive, and help each other thrive.

There is no magic pill, only magic seeds. Anything that comes fast will most likely cause instant regret or be a lady of the night (I don't judge though).

"Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result." - Oscar Wilde

2010-01-21T03:50:00.000-08:00

From now on, this blog will be dedicated to the mental and physical path to success in life. Have you created a Bucket List for 2010? You only have to years until 2012!

So far I've crossed these things off of my Bucket List in 2010:
- Ride a horse.
- Do Parkour.
- Take a wilderness survival course.
- Buy Burning Man tickets.
- Crossfit.
- Work abroad (Cross my fingers, interview on the 25th!!!)

Your brain is an amazing, amazing, AMAZING gift. It can only recall the past and the present. But the IMAGINATION allows you to see into the future. What the hell does that even mean?

Now here's an odd idea that you might disagree with. The brain cannot tell the difference between an actual experience (e.g. snowboarding) and a synthetic (make-believe) experience. It's called the Deja Vu Effect.

So if our brain cannot tell the difference between IMAGINED/synthetic experiences and actual events that happened, we can use our imagination to do ANYTHING. It's called "mental rehearsal." I see it happening in my mind, then actuate the situation. Some things may take longer to come true though. We tell ourselves many things that we believe and our brain fires up and makes it reality. Crazy stuff. It's called the "self-fulfilling" prophecy. You use your imagination to see the "future you" and the "future things" you've "already done." Crazy, I know.

This isn't mumbo-jumbo. I have actually used this thought process to imagine, set, and achieve actual goals. An example was my first day of Parkour. For those unfamiliar with Parkour, it's the practice of getting from Point A to Point B in the most efficient manner possible, using only the human body. If trees, children, or buildings are in your way, you figure out how to get around the obstacle and get to the finish. I tried it for the first time a few weeks ago, and I was watching experience Traceurs, or Parkour practitioners, doing the impossible.

I am not very athletic or coordinated. But when I closed my eyes, and listened to my breathing, I completely shut off the little voice in my head. The voice that says, "Dude you've got no business jumping off buildings. You will break something. What if you miss? Your friends will think you're stupid. You better...", and then I cut it off. It took lots of will-power, but then silence. Suddenly everything came alive and I began watching myself in 3rd person, leaping over a 4 ft. concrete wall like a monkey. It was the purest moment I've had in years.

Life takes on infinite meaning when you begin using your imagination again. Not just to create art, music, or other cool stuff. But when you imagine yourself ACTING. Imagine the robust life you want to live. Believe it with every fiber in your being. Instead of setting to-do goals, set TO BE goals. I want to be fit. I want to be sociable. I want to be musically inclined.

1. BE. Imagine the heroic person you deserve to be. Use every positive trait from the best people in your life, real or not, to become the ultimate YOU.

2. DO. If I am a great musician, I will naturally play music well. It is in line with my personality. First I must be who I wish, and the actions that are natural to that personality will just flow. Yes, this means you must practice, practice, practice.

3. GET. If your self-image starts to grow into it's "new shoes", it will naturally do great things and acquire the resources it needs to get the job done.

Since I was 4 years old, I knew what I wanted to BE when I grew up. A Jedi knight. A warrior who kept the peace in the world. Everything that I have accomplished in my life has been part of my Jedi training. I studied Philosophy. I learned Martial Arts for fight, and Parkour for flight. I learned how to be diplomatic. I learned about the energy that flows through every particle in this universe.

But now it is time to give back. It is also time for me to open my arms to change. I have been blocking the flow of my life for far too long. I will do my best to share my trials and tribulations so that people can learn from experiences. But most of all I want to know, what's stopping YOU from being your best self?

If you're curious, check out Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz and Dan Kennedy. Download the audiobook and be ready to have your world rocked. Or rather, rock the fucking world!

Amor Fati,
Brandon

Find your Death Star...

2009-12-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

When a man died the ancient Greeks would ask, "Did he have passion?"

What is passion?

We are hardwired to be careful. To not let your emotions take over and be a guide for our actions. To follow a safe path that will not make people uncomfortable.

Passion is the most valuable quality in a human being. It is something that inspires us to open our hearts and become something, to believe in something bigger. It allows me to turn my mistakes into great lessons. It makes me DO and BE, not think and see.

What makes me angry? When people are dishonest, especially when I lie to myself. When people lie about what they really want from life. What they want is to be passionate about something. Anything.

What makes me feel love? That's something I can't write in such few words.

They say that passion is anger and love combined in motion.

Give yourself permission to FEEL again. Timidity is agreement with the fear. Accept the calling that is your life. "Amor Fati", or love your fate...the fate that is your life.

"Fear is a state you ride easy through, not a country you live in."

2009-11-25T02:59:00.000-08:00

This list took me two years to compile in my mental folder of "common sense". Some of these things I had no idea about...How many of your parents actually taught you these basics?

15 Basics in Manliness and Leading Others:

1.) Straighten your posture. It means you are alive and well.

2.) Speak from the stomach. Your voice is your identity.

3.) Maintain eye contact at all times. Your eyes tell almost everything in a glance. Break that beta-male habit of averting your eyes in awkward situations. Stare the tiger right in the eye.

4.) Awareness of surroundings. Know where you are at all times and where you are going. Know where the emergency exit is too.

5.) Give A or B choices. Simply to make people decide, or decide for them.

6.) Volunteer to drive. It's just courteous.

7.) Have cash handy and front small amounts. Don't make bill paying awkward, be generous. Especially when taking a lady out for the first time.

8.) Move slowly. This shows security in your environment. Rushing indicates nearby danger.

9.) Eliminate filler words. Do not say "like, um, ugh", just pause and think a moment.

10.) Don't be afraid to touch people appropriately. Innuendos aside, remember friendly touching is usually on the forearms, shoulder, and upper back. Intimate touching is from the neck to lower back, the waist, and hand. And also other spots if it's "inappropriate" as well (just ask nicely).

11.) Know when & how to enter a room. Enter a room and make it about the people, not yourself. Give them some attention and validation. It earns cool points fast.

12.) Know when & how to exit a room. If you are going to leave, stand up and continue on your way as you say something nice. Commit to leaving and not doing the "awkward hang in the doorway for 15 minutes" goodbye.

13.) Feature your insecurities. Showing they are a normal part of you instead of your insecurities "being you."

13.) Show, don't tell. Learn to do what people are asking or implying through actions and body language. No need to verbalize it unless somebody asks. This one is tough for a lot of guys.

14.) Be honest about your sexuality. Be the polar charge that you naturally are. Attraction can only happen with BOTH a positive and negative charge. That comes in time with self-honesty.

The last one I really had trouble accepting was...

15.) Don't take anything personal. Just play the RPG/Game of Life and be honest about your abilities and limitations. Level the fuck up. Win and lose gracefully. Don't be afraid to ask how you were defeated.

I had a good talk with the most unexpected new friend of mine, Stefan. He pointed out a few things after a long conversation (not discussion) about our path to manhood. Lately I've turned "becoming a man" into a chore. My friends will tell you, I tend to make everything all or nothing. I have a bad habit of making a big deal of too much. It stems from my natural impatience. I realized it wasn't fun because I was making it something NOT enjoyable.

I recently spent a Saturday night alone, and I have to admit it was very fucking difficult. For some reason it's just that feeling that you're supposed to be out, raging, making the most out of those hedonistic few hours. That's just textbook co-dependence. Of course, we all need friends right? But staying home I felt kind of lame. Until I asked myself, what would I like to do when nobody was around? I suddenly discovered that I actually had freedom. Scary thought ain't it?

In a typical risk-averse "be careful don't do that", Asian American male raised by a strong female fashion, I sat down and put on the movie "Swingers", worked on my diorama of the Great Wave of Kanagawa, eating cookies and tuna, with a bottle of Red Stripe. It was the shit just for those few hours. By the way, every guy who's ever had a hard time recovering after a long-term relationship, you NEED to watch "Swingers."Alone time is really important, but embracing it and making it FUN is the key.* It's like being a kid again. Snack time with arts and crafts. Fucking aye it was SWEET.

For the past two years, I have been beating myself up over a lot of stuff. I just forgot that people make mistakes, they break up, they change, and are always trying their best to figure it out too. I also forgot how to have fun. Seriously, I became fucking boring. The life and passion wasn't in me after I graduated college. I've been running from the demons. But I'm facing them one at a time. Feel the fear and do it anyway, it will always be there. I guess that's why Deathcab for Cutie said, "Fear is the heart of love." You won't know how love it feels until you just plunge in. Again.

* I'm high as monkey brains stew right now (like in Indiana Jones)

Get Into the Groove

2009-09-29T22:55:00.001-07:00

It's been a turbulent past 2 years. The hardest part is admitting that I have been trying too hard to become somebody I am not. Until today. I realized that I will never come across as macho, dominant, or other typical guy traits. What I have been seeking is MANHOOD. Masculinity, the state of mind. The confidence to honestly be who you are. And I've been trying on many different personality traits and seeing if that gave me the answers. It didn't.
Back to basics. I am essentially the same person I was two years ago, but more mature. I am handling responsibility a lot better now and accept that as a condition of manhood. I am a lover, not a fighter. The people in my life keep me around for my soft qualities. You could even call it motherly-nurturing energy. I took that up a notch and people probably thought I was a gay. Yes, you've probably thought it once or twice.
I thought women would tell me how to become a man. Afterall, they know a good man when they see one. It is woman's nature to respond to masculinity, but not to define it for us. That is probably the main reason boys, guys, or most adult males look to women to fill the gap of missing manhood. It's there, we all want it. Women want it badly too. But we don't know how to get it, or have any idea that it is actually hardwired into our heads to seek it.
So the past two years I've tried looking almost every avenue possible to find manhood. Except my own heart. Drugs, sex, and rock 'n' roll are not the answer for sure (but damn are they fun). And what I found when I looked outside of myself was pure frustration. If I've hurt, confused, or shocked anybody...it was nothing personal.
The key to manhood is to learn to give. Give your gift to people, whatever that may be. That's what it means when Yoda says, "feel the Force flowing through you." Only things happen because of you, but more importantly THROUGH you. He means that your skill in life is necessary for the Circle of Life. You are a missing puzzle piece in a complete world. Give of yourself and you will not have trouble waking up the next day. When you think you can take from the world to fill your void then you will suffer like I have. I looked to everybody and everything to be the answer to my purpose in life.
My purpose in life is to be a good man. Man, in the sense where I embrace my masculinity. A man in the sense where I am a great human being with compassion for all. A man that is also an individual and knows when to be selfish in order to recharge and be ready to give back to society.
The point is my journey as a man has finally started. I am ready to love and embrace the huge hippie that I have been all along. My gift to the world is my expression of laughter and inner-peace. My philosophy and patient nature is my avenue to teach others about the tools to discover happiness.
So here's what I've boiled it down to so far. A man is a Protector, Provider, and Procreator. How he fulfills these duties is his PHILOSOPHY.

You've Come A Long Way Baby

2009-09-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

June 30, 2008
- 3 sets of pullups: 7, 8, 5
- 3 sets of pushups: 20, 10, 5
- 3 set of Hindu squats: 30, 30, 30
- 4 minutes of Tabata air squats (no weight)

I threw up after this workout.

September 2009
Max Bench Press: 185 lbs.
Max Deadlift: 300 lbs
Max Clean: 155 lbs.
Max pullup: 30
One-leg squats: 20 (80 lbs of weight)

Thank you Crossfit.

Conversations and Lady Gaga

2009-09-07T13:09:00.000-07:00

Goethe wrote about this extensively: the difference between a discussion and a conversation. The former is based on intellectual topics and tends to lead to separateness. The latter tends to be something unified and the things said are always from the heart. So why is this important?

Most people are okay with surface talk. Perhaps it is the only reason I still have friends, but I rarely have discussions anymore. I used to in college back when I studied Philosophy. I thought I was the shit because I could inhale tons of complicated words and throw them out randomly to appear as if I had knowledge. How wrong I was. But that's typical college Philosopher behavior. But if you know me well at all, I dig deep. I ask you what has been ailing your soul and where you are headed in life. I ask about the burning questions I have in my own life because I am just as frightened as you are. I don't care about the minute details of your life. I care about your soul. And that is what a true friend knows: when to stop discussing and when to start conversing.

Ever notice how we reach the "tender" topics of life when it's dark? When I drive in a car at night with a passenger, the best conversations happen with me. That person has no reason to be shy. They have no judging eyes to answer to and for some reason, moving forward lets us think clearly. Life is motion. Walk and talk as often as you can because it will solidify any relationship you have. I guarantee it. It's like the reagent that makes liquid epoxy turn rock solid.

If a person doesn't have conversations then he/she is missing out on the most crucial phase of human evolution. Have you ever noticed you don't really know what you believe until you say it aloud? That's always rung true for me. Having conversations allows us to progress from having truths revealed to us from the wiser to discovering truths by one's own activities.

Having a conversation does not imply having an answer. Sometimes the answer to your question is to let go of it for a while. Let the deeper realms of your subconscious mind do the mental math (that's why sleep is important, more on that later). Feelings and the tension built up in your mind needs to be released. The only other place it can go is your body. And that's no good at all.

I'm not a religious person, but I am extremely spiritual. But I even hate admitting that out loud just because of the connotation "spiritual" has. When I hear "spiritual" I just cringe and think of white fluffy shit and high-horse people judging my mistakes and odd beliefs. I think of Yoga too. But conversations are the closest thing I have to spirituality. I tend to not just think, but feel the vast array of emotions people in my life are going through. I feel connected and belong when I know someone admits they are not okay. Because the second you admit you are not doing well is when things pick-up again. It is one of life's most fruitful paradoxes, so I suggest you get used to it.

Every moment in life is a test, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. A discussion will help bring you to a logical answer to a logical question. But that is not life. The nature of the beast is always changing (which incidentally leads me to believe life is female). Conversations are about dealing with the changes. The life worth living is always felt, not thought. And so how you make other people is purely a reflection of your own circumstance in life. People who think like shit, feel like shit, will usually displace that glorious state of mind onto others.

Want to be a hero and save the world? Have a conversation. But end it when it starts to get weird. Like if say, Lady Gaga somehow becomes the metaphor for the non-duality of sexual energy.

2009-03-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, I have a thing with falling out with people and blogs. But last night I got drunk and had some funky epiphanies about my direction in life. Function, Fight, Finish. Those are the three things I came up with. I start so many things and never finish. That's not manly at all. Fuck gender-neutrality, I have to do something that is manly. And that is to be determined to finish, no matter what it takes.

I love my mom for never cracking. She's so strong, I give her a fuckload of nonsense, excuses, and bullfuckery and she still loves me. I wish I could see her cry, but I know that will never happen. I'm glad it doesn't, or I would shut-down too. She's my pillar. That's why I know women are stronger.

I am a boy of many words. Men don't talk much. They show, not tell. From here on out, I will only discuss what I have done, not what I will do. Once you speak about it, the anxiety that builds from your dreams filling up inside just spill out. They die. Don't speak.

Sorry if I left you behind, but I never forgot about you. That means anyone I've met. Sometimes I'm scared you don't remember me, that's why I try so hard to break into your world. I am not desperate, just very willing.

Shields and High-Yields

2008-07-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

I read PUA (Pick-Up Artist) books regularly. Their material is good shit. Here's one concept that stuck with me, from Tyler Durden's "Digest" of online discussions:

High-Yield Thought Process: Maximum gains from minimal experience. "What can I learn from this?"

This seems like common sense. But let's look at it through the lens of an AFC male, or "Average Frustrated Chump". I'll be the first to admit I've been an AFC for a long time. I don't "get" many girls and I "don't get girls". So they key here is to understand why I am frustrated and to study the patterns of the opposite sex a little closer.

It is crucial to note that a man constructs who he is, actively or passively, but it is always a choice. If he wants to be an athletic, outgoing, and desirable individual he must adopt those characteristics. He is not born with them. But we only have so much room in our personality. Before we can change we have to discard the bullshit first, the "stuff that doesn't work". We have mental shields that provide tons of excuses for preserving our ego. The easy assessment for me is: "leave the nice guy routine".

It's safe to say most males view women as gentle creatures who need nurturing all of the time and should be saved from the "bad boys". Quite the opposite, chaps. Females are trained to be fierce warriors in the social battlefield from an early age. They know exactly what face to put on at almost any given time. It's fucking uncanny, really. It's men who actually need protection from the truth. The truth that we are inadequate.

I think many (mostly women) will wholeheartedly agree that modern males lack an essential skill for survival, biologically and socially. The skill of attraction. A skill, is an ability to do something well after lots of practice. It's not innate to most guys. I won't even mention the guys who are attractive naturally. I hear it all the time from women. "Why are guys so lame?" or "Does he not get the clue?". Girls are right, we don't fucking get it. They need to teach this shit in school, but they don't. It's a lose-lose situation for both sexes. Two things you can do here guys: continue reading or make the same excuses I made forever.

It's not right to sleep around, feelings will get hurt. Women aren't objects. Men are just naturally hornier than women. Guys who get the females are more accomplished than I am, but just wait until I come up!

These are the honest truths that stop me from being a male slut. And for good reason, I don't want to be a slut. I am terrible at juggling multiple women because I am a specialist. And I never have juggled women. Attention is a very precious thing to give out, and only select women deserve it from me. But the biggest excuse that trumps all is:

I don't feel I deserve to have a good woman.

That is the bottom-line gentlemen. Confidence. We lack it and the situation's not going to fix itself. Tyler Durden (both the PUA and Brad Pitt) have a lot of good input. We do not go after what we want in life because we lack Core Confidence. The most common example is the "bad boy" image. Less common is the light-hearted "joker". The strong-silent type. But they all have one streamlining belief. I deserve everything I have and more. "Core confidence" is independent of the context and can come in many forms. It is the belief that as a person you are important and deserve the most out of your life by trying your best. It is not affected by your environment because YOU affect the environment with your very presence.

You can't fake the funk though. Like I said, women are fierce social creatures and smell bullshit from a mile away. They are also very keen on who has their shit together. Even if they don't want to mate with him females will admit when a guy has positive qualities. Guys generally lump women into two categories, hot or not. Personality is secondary to physical attractiveness. It's inversely related for women. When you are attracting a woman you are essentially selling your personality through body language and subconscious gestures. That explains why physically unattractive men can miraculously end up with a hottie (see David Spade and Heather Locklear)

My Uncle Steve gave me some wisdom a few months ago. He told me, "hers is useless and so is yours if you don't put 'em together." He also told me, "he who strikes first, strikes best." We were on a cruise to the Caribbean with a boatload of gorgeous women (some of questionable age). He gave me the breakdown of why I just have to go for it. Thinking takes time and allows you to psyche yourself out. You just gotta trust that you're a worthy male specimen and let your subconscious take care of the rest. But unfortunately, most of us are not the best speciman we possibly can be. But we don't have to stay that way. Study social dynamics everywhere and anytime.

If you don't have your shit together, start getting it together NOW. Dress neater, shower regularly, make manners habitual and not a show, do everything with intensity, and above all have compassion for others (especially women). Don't treat them like kittens and stop trying to sexually manhandle them. They choose who to mate with, not you. If you truly believe you are a worthy mate it will shine through every gesture you make and word you utter. Make yourself sexually receptive, not aggressive. But do NOT tolerate the bullshit of disheartened and clever females.

Women want to have fun in relationships just as much as men. But Beta-males fucked it up good for us all. All these social restrictions on a women's sexuality were constructed by men who refused to do the hard work of courting a woman. He wanted sex at the drop of a dime so he invented monogamy. But I'm not here to argue for/against monogamy. It exists and is a barrier that must be acknowledged. A man must be able to convey discreetness, that he knows if he has sex with a girl to be quiet about it. Women already have to do a lot just to get laid, they don't want to change all the rules. They just want some good clean fun, and more than likely romance!

It took tremendous mental effort for me to realize the rules of the game. They have always been there and I finally acknowledged them. It doesn't mean I subscribe to them. I personally am not looking to sleep around. But what interests me is the process of attraction, friends or mates. But the first step to being attractive is to be proud of yourself.

So let each interaction you have with a person be a high-yield lesson. Study yourself when you interact with other people. Study and then point out your weakness. Practice often and not just with attractive women. Learn a lot from only one example and your gains will be astronomical.

You here it everywhere. "Confidence is key." If you want to know what confidence is, try:

The Blueprint

It's hard out there, do work son.

Sandbags, Sledgehammers, and Salvation.

2008-07-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

"Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it."

-Bruce Lee

That's kind of ironic coming from one of my heroes. I have taken the wisdom that Bruce has left and transformed my own life through his teachings. It was his belief that honest self-expression was one of the main tenets of being a true human being. To live with every nerve in your body exposed to the emotions that come with everything we do.

When I think of all the things I've accomplished, it boils down to one thing. I decided to do it and not sweat the small things. This includes giving up. We all have a choice to be passive, idle, observant, and distant. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been passive most of my life. This is also the story for countless people who are afraid to be honest about what they expect of themselves and from life.

What keeps me honest? Everything I do. I have to answer to my conscience every second of my life. Going to the limit tells me what kind of person I am. Standing at the edge of my mind, where nobody else can help me except ME. The smallest inkling inside of my heart that tells me how much I want something, against the burning sensation where all the pain could end if I just said, "I give in." Yes, I’m talking about when I exercise. And no, I do not mean the ego-stroking people do at the gym.

Sometime in a man’s life, he will encounter a heavy object he wishes to lift or something he is compelled to strike with his fist. It requires every ounce of strength and concentration he possesses to accomplish this task. His body and mind are occupied by the trauma he is putting himself through by recruiting every single muscle in his body. Nothing else matters but the task at hand. He will make beastly noises, grit his teeth so hard you can hear them grind, and see amazing things happen when honest effort is put forth. Real training and exercise should HURT. If you want progress there is no time to read a fucking magazine or yap at your neighbor. Mirrors will do nothing except ruin your concentration. If you got suckered into a gym membership, what I am going to say will probably not appeal to you or simply make you angry.

In January of this year, I could only do 2 genuine pull-ups. That means palms faced outward and my chin passed the top of the bar. I looked like I was taking a shit when I did them. I can now do over 17 strict pull-ups while reciting my favorite poem. Am I boasting? Perhaps. But the intent is to show you that anything is possible because you are willing to put in an honest effort. I am a human being and am capable of the same good or evil that you are. I am nothing special. I am not a unique snowflake. I simply decided that mediocrity was not for me anymore. I wanted to be superior to my old-self.

To those who know me best, I can be a nervous wreck sometimes. I am not always on my best behavior or trying my hardest when I should. But it’s not an excuse I make up because I suffer when I act normal or mediocre. The sense of urgency to not waste my time is always punching me in the face. But I don’t just think about myself. I always try to figure out what others can do better. Why? Because I expect them to keep me on my toes. I welcome, and even crave criticism. The way I see it, every breath is a new opportunity for me to change something. I hope that whoever reads this benefits from my reflections and does something positive with his or her life. And one day if I see you, I hope to see that fiery glare in your eyes. The gaze that comes with a robust sense of knowing who YOU really are.

Perhaps you’ll see me swinging my sledgehammer or tossing my odd-looking sandbags. The one thing you won’t find me doing is reading a magazine or talking to my neighbor on the treadmill. I’ll be out on a playground or grassy-field looking like a lunatic. That’s how I search for the real thing. That sense of salvation I relish because I gave 100% and endured the feeling where I wished I wasn’t born. But it’s only a temporary feeling. The pain is good medicine because it is the price I pay for the truth about myself. I have reached a limit but will not remain there for long. I have not only trained my muscles and nerves, but I have burned into my spirit a new sense of self-worth.

Why is the “truth” so important? Because it’s a rare thing to find. I see countless people traipsing through their lives, conjuring up excuses to not fulfill their wishes. And yet, I see lots of people who are honest. These are the people who are not afraid to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to fuck up and make some people feel uncomfortable. Fuck everyone else’s expectations of you. They are merely projections and supplications for what they themselves are unwilling to try. It’s a mistake until you admit that you were wrong, after that it becomes a good lesson. The longing in your mind to see the outcome of your goal has passed and you are now a little wiser, and even more humbled. You realize that it’s a long road ahead, but you are walking with your chin up a little higher and the destination seems to matter less each day.

So be honest about your physical limits. If you can only do one push-up, so be it. If it takes you 1 hour to run a mile, who fucking cares? At least you had the guts to measure yourself. Every person should know their limits because they are always there. In the end they will haunt you when you reflect on your stale and misused life. It is simply a choice of surpassing them. Leave them far behind in the old-self you’ve been meaning to break-up with. Take that chance and become somebody new. Don’t be afraid to be display your emotions. Let the anger of failure pass through you, and relish the momentary joy of true accomplishment. Do not be bashful about what you truly want, but be patient and calculating about your goals. Accept who you are right now and suddenly, your life becomes the most beautiful gift. There is nothing more original than your own honest perspective. The position you occupy in time and space is yours, and yours only. That is both the source of loneliness and true identity, the paradox of life. But to truly be yourself means that nobody can ever take anything valuable from you. Your memories, dreams, and feelings are untouchable.

Waking Up

2008-07-25T15:45:00.000-07:00

"In the words of the ancients, one should make his decision within the space of seven breaths. It is a matter of being determined and having the spirit to break through to the other side."

-Yamamoto Tsunetomo , Hagakure

There are only three steadfast things in life. Change, paradox, and humor. My life begins anew every moment, with every breath. We have lots of decisions to make and should be swift in our deliberation. The less you try to figure out life's mysteries and just go with it, you can laugh easily and more often. The harder you fight change and trying to solve life's riddles, you essentially try to halt the metaphorical river that is life. This will make you sour and unhappy. I'll tell you from 24 years of my life that the minute I stopped calculating my life, that is when I began to truly live.

"It is a good viewpoint to see the world as a dream. When you have something like a nightmare, you will wake up and tell yourself that it was only a dream. It is said that the world we live in is not a bit different from this."

- Hagakure

I am an undying optimist. I truly believe that it is possible for every person to awake from the trance they are in. By trance I mean the illusions that convince a person they are not capable of this or that. Often times these are merely excuses and not genuine obstacles. It is perfectly fine to be frightened of what we might see when we finally wake up and encounter our existence. But the sensation of truly being alive is infinitely better than the stale emotional cycles we often trap ourselves into. I'm talking about inner freedom.

The most common case of these harmful cycles I see are unhealthy relationships. To me a relationship should be about two independent beings playfully enjoying and benefitting from each other's company. If one were to leave the relationship, both would be thankful for the time they spent together. But I see romantic couples bickering over stupid shit that subtly says to me one mate is only waiting for the other to save them. That love is the missing puzzle piece in their life. They believe the emotional cycle of fighting, breaking up, and rejoining is healthy, when in reality it is just comfortable and predictable. They create an artificial "drama" to simulate true change and development in their relationship.

We all have excuses for not fulfilling our potential. Deep down we know that we are trapped and are just too lazy to find the bars of our cage. Perhaps this generation has been wrongfully taught that efficiency and quickness is a virtue and have little capacity for dealing with frustration. Patience is inversely related to efficiency. The less time it takes for us to microwave our dinner, the more impatient we become. Yes, I'm guilty of this too.

Make the decision to live. It's not written anywhere that we must choose to live our lives. We can sit back and let other forces govern it for us. That is a legitimate and very common occurence. You fall in line with what people expect of you while ignoring your true expectations of yourself. And you suffer for this from the anxiety. You have seven breaths to choose to wake up and go out there and live. Live with every nerve exposed.

There is overwhelming beauty in our daily lives. The mundane tasks we often hurry through contain a lot of wisdom and can tell us much about ourselves. But I'm not here to tell you what I do in my boring life. This blog is a place where I simply offer the fruits that grow from my tree of knowledge. It is for people to take advantage of just as I do whenever I have a good conversation. I learn and then learn some more. I am a motherfucking learning machine. I crave frustration deep down because it is a chance for me to become better. I try to do something new everyday and interpret the same things in a different way. It keeps my perspective fresh. As the saying goes, "you never step in the same river twice."